I cannot believe 2018 has come to a close. What a crazy, amazing year! As exciting as the new year is I like to take time to reflect on what was.
2018 started off with a bang for me. At the end of 2017, I was dealing with a Crohn’s flare-up that ended up with me having an ileostomy surgery in early January. This was by far the hardest season for me to walk through. I told myself I was never gonna let this happen and then it did. I had to walk this season out for a good three months. In April I had my ileostomy reversal surgery.
As traumatic as that whole experience was it took a toll on my relationship with God. I would be lying in my hospital bed questioning everything I knew about God. I was trying to figure out what was fact or fiction. I knew God was good but it couldn’t see it in my situation. It didn’t make any sense to me and I had so many questions.
My search for answers led me down a dark, lonely road. I felt guilty for losing trust in God and then isolated myself from Him and even my family. I was tempted to give up my faith in exchange for a normal life that would be pain-free. That ideal was a delusion and I am so thankful I was able to see that before I could make that mistake. God began to tug on my heart, calling me close. I felt the Lord telling me to bring all my questions and to come broken. And so I did. It was like I could see for the first time in a while. I could see through all the lies and confusion. I went so long thinking 2018 was the year I almost turned my back on Jesus but God turned my perspective into the year that I chose Jesus over everything else.
2018 was the year I started living. I had watched people live their best lives on social media for so long. I felt the Lord telling me to begin to dream again. So I created my blog!
If you’re reading this, thank you! You hold a special place in my heart. I cannot wait to share more content with you guys in the new year!
This year my sister, Anna, moved three hours away from me to attend a ministry school in Hamilton, Alabama. This was a huge shift for me and my sister. We have always been super close. My family has an ongoing joke that I should have been the older sister because I definitely act like it. I was used to looking out for Anna. Making sure she stayed out of trouble. On the contrary, Anna would bring me out of my shell, help me have fun, and teach me to loosen up a little. Not having her close by pushed me to become independent while figuring out who I was as an individual. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. They were right. Our bond is so much stronger now.
In the end, this year will one that I’ll remember. It was a year of growth and with growth comes growing pains. I definitely felt those pains too. I learned that not everything has to make sense. Sometimes it’s better that it doesn’t make sense in the moment. I was reintroduced to the goodness of God. He is so good you guys! I was given permission to bring my questions to God and in that process, I began a journey of rebuilding my trust in the Lord. I started to dream again and live my life with no limitations. It’s been a beautiful year and I can’t help but look forward to what is to come.
Happy New Year!
